THIS IS A TRAP

I haven't blogged in a while. I found out this morning that this person that I knew of on the internet, who is a beautiful trans queen, was found dead yesterday. A quiet sadness has come over me, and I wish I had the day to process this travesty. Yesterday was Kia's birthday, too. My friends lit lanterns & floated them into the sky for her.

This year was the first time I realized I may die one day, or my sister may die one day, and we won't go together.

I've been more afraid of death in the past 6 months than I have been in my whole life.

"I believe in living.
I believe in birth.
I believe in the sweat of love
And in the fire of truth.

And I believe that a lost ship,
steered by tired, seasick sailors,
can still be guided home
to port."

-Assata Shakur

 Is this poem appropriate? I don't know. I've been reading it over & over the past few days. I'm going to cover a wall of my next home with framed poems. 

 

"Leading a life that you don't feel the need to end is a privilege.

grrlyman:

Most of my life I felt like I couldn’t last another day. There were dozens of times that I slept and didn’t think I would wake up. I woke up multiple times in hospitals, feeling like my choice was taken away from me. Today, I fear death, because I’m so happy in life. I am so lucky, and so privileged. I’m grateful that my attempts failed. I mourn those who slipped away, but I respect their difficult decision."